trucker ape

2011

Drunk parkour on the pedestrian bridge over I-5 while zola jesus echoes through my head. Living with housemates I can tolerate and more in love than I've ever been in my life and the only thing dragging me down, the horrible soul-numbing temp job I go to 4-5 days a week. But this job, and its attendant financial instability cast a pall on everything else. If I had been in a great job that I was happy with, it's hard for me to imagine being able to contain the ecstasy I assume I would've regularly felt.

There was something particular about living right next to the highway. The street dead-ended and it felt like a little pocket at the end of somewhere. I remember a few especially foggy nights. I would go to the stone church across the street and do parkour along the stairs and consider trying to climb atop the building, but always decide against it out of respect for the worshipers. I never went very far on such nights. I did once climb atop the nearby beer joint for fun, and there were a couple of nights when I perched myself up in a tree and reveled in being able to observe the weekend goings-on w/o anyone being aware of my presence. I also climbed on top of mississippi studios and just listened to the chatter of people below for a bit. I feel like such a moment reflects how I've felt so many times in my life. Present but apart. Observing from a distance. It's wonderful and a little bit sad.
trucker ape

(no subject)

i remember how the sky darkened, and it grew very windy, so we ran outside and danced around and laughed, as the storm clouds rolled in, knowing it would rain, but not caring.

i remember going around the curve a bit too fast, and the brakes failing, and how we both let out a gasp as the car went off the road and into a fence. and then afterwards, we held each other and cried.

i remember being drunk and driving all around town looking for you, asking people if they knew where you were, then stopping my car in the unfinished subdivision for some reason, finding a bottle, breaking it, and cutting up my arm with it.

i feel like i've always been searching, but i'm not sure for what. i've never been satisfied, but i think this is a good thing. it keeps me going. i also think that drugs have helped me to become more agreeable with life, more accepting in general. i don't know if i yet know what i'm doing or where i'm going, or if this is it, or if it matters.

i'm an intense individual, and sometimes that's good, and sometimes it's bad. i want to be a better person, but i rarely make any attempts at doing so. i just sort of hope that people will forgive me for not being a better friend, son, brother, lover.

sometimes i want to be an outlaw. i want to be doing something not allowed, and with a partner. like bonnie & clyde. i feel like most people can identify with that, hence why we're fascinated with theirs, and other, similar stories.

i don't know why i wrote any of this.
trucker ape

(no subject)

i sometimes miss the smell of my dad from when i was young. a smell of cologne and beer and money. money that he handed me for the arcade games that i was allowed to play once i finished my homework, while he bowled with his bowling team.

there's a lot to say about that, and i don't have a lot of time right now.
trucker ape

holy crap

i just made an incredibly delicious lamb & collard greens dish. i may just have to revive my food blog specifically to post this.
trucker ape

(no subject)

wake up
make coffee
borrow neighbor's internet to check email from fake persons
go to record store
buy some records
go home and listen to records
make more coffee
play video games
consider going out but after a while decide against it
start drinking
make dinner
continue playing video games until you get tired of it
decide to watch a movie
choose blood simple
get half-way through and decide to go for a walk
get back and go into car to listen to 'the beat dies' 4x
go back inside and decide not to finish the movie
go to sleep
trucker ape

(no subject)

hi the people of the internet, my computer is fucked right now, so the only internet access i have right now is at work and the occasional hijacking of nearby computers. thus, if you'd like to talk to me about anything, phone works best.

also, magnetic fields on tour. playing at the aladdin in feb. tix on sale now.
j. richman is playing at the aladdin next week also.
holiday ale fest is also fast-approaching.

uh, i don't actually care about typing any of this. these things were just on my mind. i'm going to try and remember the 234958340958 other things i wanted to check, look up, etc. on the internet now, while i have the chance.
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    gone forever
trucker ape

oh george

"those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. you cannot have the argument both ways. if the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? if he is not, why pretend that he is?" -george bernard shaw